Musical staff

Marketing staff’s Scotty prepares his pre-scrambled disaster suit ahead of Lismore’s visit – The Betoota Advocate

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Scotty From Marketing is set to declare flooding in northern New South Wales a ‘national emergency’ when he visits the area today – nearly two weeks after evacuations began.

After being isolated for 7 days, the Prime Minister faced criticism for not immediately flying straight north to witness the damage from this once in a thousand year flood, choosing instead to visit the Lowy first Institute and announce plans to build a nuclear submarine base at “one of 13 possible locations” in 25 years.

But now it’s time to face the music, after the Morrison government has finally accepted that these natural disasters caused by climate change won’t just sort themselves out – despite the hard work of up to to 60,000 local volunteers who had to take over while they waited a full week for the arrival of defense personnel.

The first stop on his route is the shattered town of Lismore, where the Prime Minister is expected to receive a similar welcome to the one he received in Cobargo after his flight home from Hawaii and began forcing fire-ravaged residents bush to shake his hand.

Scotty will also begin the Big Blame Shift and unveil a new “disaster response program” that will give the federal government greater power to send in defense force resources “and bypass red tape for more financial support. quickly”.

Because of course this whole campfire is the fault of ‘buearucrats’ and ‘the opposition’ – rather than the guy who sat on his taxpayer-funded leather couch in Sydney playing CandyCrush all week.

Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce said Morrison should probably expect a little Lismore abuse, saying he would be “incredibly surprised” if Morrison was welcomed to the flood-ravaged North Coast.

However, to mitigate the risk of cutting off a spray of exhausted locals, Scotty From Marketing knows he needs to at least watch the game.

Standing under the chandelier at Kirribilli House this morning, Scotty’s media team took care of his pre-scrambled disaster suit.

“What kind of brown is it?” he barked at his makeup artist.

“Is it Smokey Topaz or Desert Sand”

“Remember these are river people. It must look like it’s coming from the river!

“My recommendation is the burnt chestnut but I’ll leave it to you guys, I don’t want to make that call”